What Nobody Tells You About Miscarriage

Most pregnancy books will devote a portion of a chapter to it, there are articles on the Internet that discuss the medical particulars of it, and there are the physicians who assure a broken hearted woman that she did nothing to cause it. It, of course, is miscarriage. And although countless women across our country lose a pregnancy every day, it is still very difficult, if not impossible, to find any literature anywhere that touches on the real emotional impact on a woman when she loses a life that was growing within her. These are the things nobody tells you about miscarriage. GRIEF IS NOT ALWAYS IMMEDIATE
Most women are definitely struck with a sense of loss when they learn the baby they were carrying has died. But particularly for women who lost their baby early on in the pregnancy, it is not uncommon for this sense of loss to be less than clearly defined, or not nearly as intense as the woman herself imagines it should be. Some of this delay in reaction can be attributed to the shock of the news, and some can be simply because the woman is not sure how to approach the loss of child she never held or even got the chance to see. Another contributing factor could be the common reaction of family and friends to regard the lost pregnancy solely as a medical condition. Sometimes well-meaning individuals will make comments such as, "There must have been something wrong, this was a blessing in disguise", or, "You can try again". These kinds of statements, even if they are well intended, often serve to hinder the grief process more. It is not uncommon for a woman who has suffered a pregnancy loss to get the impression from those around her that she is expected to leave the memory of the lost baby in the past. Because of this, many women do not feel entitled to grieve the child they have lost. They may attempt to move forward, put the event out of their mind, and in doing so, bypass the grief process all together. However, commonly, the grief will catch up with them later.
IT IS LIKELY THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS MISS THE CHILD YOU LOST
Although everyone else around her moves on from the miscarriage, sometimes almost as though it never even happened, a woman who has endured this kind of loss will likely keep this child's memory with her forever. Even a decade or more later, a woman may miss the child she lost intensely. Even if she has gone on to have more children, she does not forget the one she lost. She may cry for them late at night on holidays and special occasions after everyone else has gone to sleep, unable to share her grief with others who have all but forgotten that she ever miscarried at all. Unlike when an older child or adult dies, and the family and friends of those left behind continue to acknowledge the life of the one who is gone, the mother of a miscarried child may feel that she is the only one who remembers that her lost child ever even existed.
THERE ARE WAYS TO COPE WITH THE GRIEF
No matter how long you grieve your miscarried child, there are some really effective ways for dealing with that grief, whether you feel it is shared by those around you or not. You may feel that you can share these events with those around you, or you may feel that you need to do them in private and keep them to yourself. Either way, consider these suggestions for helping you to move forward in your grief.
One of the most healing things you can do after losing a child, may seem simple. However, depending on how far along her pregnancy was when she lost her baby, the mother may not have felt she was entitled to complete this very significant act. That is, the act of naming her child. By naming your lost child, you give them an identity. You make them more real to you, particularly if the pregnancy was lost so early that you were never actually able to really see your child. Naming your lost baby is a powerful way to make them a permanent part of your life, even when it seems others around you move on from the loss and forget.
There are other ways to keep the child's memory alive, even if only to yourself. Planting a small flower garden in their memory gives you the opportunity to feel as though you are still able to take care of something in relation to the child. Painting the name and birth date of the the baby on a stone to place in the garden is comforting, as well.
Many shops carry small ceramic decorative pieces, depicting small children. If when you see some of these, you find one or two that make you think of your own child and what you had expected they may have looked like, buy it. Make a special shelf in your home just for these pieces, and even if you never feel comfortable telling anyone else why you are collecting them, you will know. Since mothers who have miscarried do not get the opportunity to take care of the child in practical ways, or share gifts with them at holidays, it's tremendously comforting to be able to do still pick out items in their memory. Perhaps you would rather buy stuffed animals than ceramic pieces. Mothers of lost babies don't get to prepare or maintain a bedroom for the child throughout the years, so it is really nice to have one special spot in the house that you feel you have created just for them.
There are even some websites that sell remembrance items for babies lost to miscarriage, such as baby bracelets bearing the child's name, or beautifully decorated certificates printed with the child's name and a memory poem.
YOU CAN FIND HELP ONLINE
There are many message boards, forums, and even entire websites in existence that serve the purpose of sharing, remembering, and honoring babies lost to miscarriage. Some women have photos of their babies that they post on these sites along with their personal stories of loss, so be aware that these can be tremendously painful sites to visit. However, and this is particularly true for women who don't feel they can share with those close to them the deep level of their grief, these sites offer much support from women who have been through a very similar loss. It is enormously helpful to communicate with others who understand exactly what you are feeling, and why you feel it. Even when nobody else in your life seems to. The best things about these sites, is that you can go to them whenever you need to, and stay for as long as you like. Eventually, you will find that you are the one offering comfort and wisdom to someone searching for help in dealing with the pain of her own loss.

Surviving Miscarriage: When Pregnancy Devastates

Women every day will experience the pain of a miscarriage. It is thought that almost every woman will experience a miscarriage in her lifetime however most will occur early enough that they will never know it was a miscarriage. There are several reasons why a miscarriage can occur. Today, in the Internet age, we have more information than ever at our disposal. When a woman discovers she is having a miscarriage or can expect to have a miscarriage, she can find loads of information on the Internet. If the miscarriage has yet to occur, some women will cling to hope that the miscarriage was misdiagnosed. At this point, they must choose one of three options; have a D & C, use inducing medication, or wait for the miscarriage to happen naturally. I am going through this right now. It was discovered a little over a week ago, when I was thought to be ten weeks pregnant, that I will miscarry due to a blighted ovum. I did what any woman would do and came home to look online. It was on this beautiful invention called the Internet that I found www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com.
Misdiagnosed Miscarriage is a website for women who have been diagnosed as going to miscarry. This could be due to spotting/bleeding, hcg levels, or ultrasound revealing a blighted ovum. The site has a lot of information including FAQ's, articles and research, and a message board for women who have either had a misdiagnosed miscarriage or who have been told they will experience a miscarriage and are looking for some hope.
The majority of the women who visit Misdiagnosed Miscarriage are looking for hope that will never come. The question then becomes whether Misdiagnosed Miscarriage is helping or hurting these women who are already in a vulnerable position. As someone who has felt hopeless in this position, Misdiagnosed Miscarriage gave me hope. Are they offering up false hope? Well, yes in some cases. In most cases, the women will go on to experience the miscarriage.
When a woman is diagnosed with an impending miscarriage, she has a choice to make. She can undergo a D & C, use an inducing medication, or wait for nature to take its course. Misdiagnosed Miscarriage gives women the hope that their baby is indeed alive and well inside them and so most will opt for the wait and see approach. This can save the lives of the babies whose mothers were misdiagnosed.
My personal feelings are that Misdiagnosed Miscarriage is providing women with the hope they need at this time. This site is also saving the lives of unborn babies. While the false hope is devastating once the miscarriage actually takes place, having even a small amount of hope is better than feeling hopeless.